It's Been Good 2013

2013

What a nice year. Actually. It wasn't that bad.

I'm even going to throw this out there: these past 6 months have been EXTRA RAD. 

TIME TO GET PERSONAL: I've probably changed the most this year. The beginning of 2013 was the first time that I actually liked someone! Aside from Aaron Carter and Gordo from Lizzie McGuire, I must admit I had never really liked a boy before. Wowie. 

I knew from the start that I was romanticizing him into someone he clearly wasn't...but it was nice having those feelings for the first time. Dopamine? Yeah, that. In fact, it was the most exciting thing ever. It was HOLY.

 The boy turned out to not be exactly how I pictured - but I will cherish him as my first school girl crush ever. 

 (God - I'm too old for this.)

 2013 was a year of self love. I remember being so anxious in the beginning, latching onto people who didn't necessarily have my best interests in mind. I felt like I became a friend to fill space, to get connections. Getting out of that situation was the best decision and feeling I ever had. It was pure EUPHORIA. Realizing that you can always opt out to do your own thing was brand new to me. 

Being able to be on your own is SO important. I began to learn how to deal with my anxiety, how to stop thinking negatively, and I finally reached out to those friends who were there for me the whole time. If I hadn't of taken that step - I wouldn't want to know the person I would have become. 

One of the best moments was seeing Crystal Castles with my friend Bonnie. You would think being squished against hippies and punk kids alike would be terrifying - but it was probably the best bonding experience I'd ever had. Something about the hue of the lights, the pounding bass. No one was trying to feel you up or buy you a drink, everyone was just there for the music.

 It was the best high of my life. What was even more euphoric was walking downtown in the chilled May air with my friends afterwards. Walking outside by the loner smokers, hugging old high school friends, catching the bus back - still buzzing. 

Then there was work, and all that comes with work. Meeting and befriending people you probably wouldn't have, watching how people react with each other, having the coworker bond of hatred against horrible customers whilst working retail, and really appreciating smoke/lunch breaks. It made me realize how good I have it, being able to have an education when I worked along people who deserved it way more but had to make a living instead. 

(DV stills)

Then fall. Fall 2013 was great. It was the first time that I felt like I belonged somewhere in a long time. I met up with old friends, made some new ones through activism, and generally had awesome weekends. I didn't act like my usual myself and I liked it. 

Then there were the random friends: the girl who was in my dorm last year.  We ended up getting late night coffee and talked about existentialism and how we have no idea what we are doing in school. It was the deepest conversation I've had to this date. 

There was the troublemaker in my French class who the teacher disliked (more than me, I might add). We bonded over our failures in the education system. She is like an older sister to me, but more crass. She's loud, not always P.C., and has the attention span of a goldfish. Yet, she is the most fiercely loyal person I've ever encountered and can go from making you laugh hysterically to making you spill your guts  in order to sort your shit out. 

I started making short films again, Mini DV/VHS/collage stuff. I used to detest everything I made in art - even the stuff that won awards, but this time it all just flowed out for some reason. I realized how important it is to have access to resources and technology  - and how comforting it can be to have them (shout out to Adobe and really nice Mac computers). 

Wrapping it up, I came in contact with someone who was really fresh. They had a passion like mine and seemed to have their life somewhat figured out, which let me breathe a little easier. They seemed driven and focused, but also childlike.  CHILDLIKE. I really admired that, I didn't think people could still have that when they "grew up". 

I admit - I can be really cynical of my own future. The economy, my barely-making-money "profession" path, my own issues - they all seem to hinder me from progressing. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get through it all. To be honest, I still am.

But by just being in contact with this person I learned that everyone doesn't have it completely figured out, but making things work is do-able. Having the urgency to find yourself as soon as possible, make it big, get rid of all your debt - is keeping you paralyzed from actually living and creating things. 

This person made me feel like it'd all be okay, and I don't think they know that. 

So, cheers to 2013 - a turning point. 

Hopefully you all had a nice time this year, and if you didn't, I hope you keep optimism in you for this upcoming year.  My constant existential battle with human interaction proved fruitful this time around, even with the friendships I'd lost - the boys too. I would be lying if I said I didn't have major lows - they came and passed, but I wouldn't change a thing. 

You'd be amazed at how quickly you can change, or how quickly your environment can change. You have to be open to it. It's scary, but it's great.

Never be stagnant.

Lauren Rose

Curbside Fashion 

Surviving High School 101

High School. 

To be honest, I don't remember much of it. 

(My friend Nyala and I, senior year)

I remember being insecure with my weight, making AWESOME friends that pushed me out of my comfort zone, and then keeping other friends that just let me be my boring-film-nerd self. I remember having the worst math teachers (except for maybe one) and somehow passing each class I endured. I remember car rides with boys that I probably shouldn't have been with and I remember trying so hard to make my high school experience be like Dazed and Confused, even though it would never come close. 

But I made it out, even if I chose to block out some of the non-movie-worthy parts. I morphed into a semi-confident girl who then morphed into a HEADSTRONG FEMALE via college who makes mistakes but is totally an a-okay person at the end of the day.

With that being said, I brought back some tips I gave about surviving high school from an old blog of mine- for those who still have to deal with it. Here we go: 

1. Find friends: Sounds easy, but sometimes it's not. You might not find Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type friends, but be open to everyone - especially your first year.  Even if you don't find best friends, its nice to have people to be with on the weekends, to learn from them, to goof around. Introduce them to your interests. They just might like the same things as you.  If you can't find friends, lone wolf it.  It might suck, but you will get through it. 

2. Find a hobby: It can be a sport, painting, filmmaking, Youtube, WHATEVER! It doesn't even have to be a school related hobby. Having a hobby to preoccupy you is the best thing you can do, especially if you don't have many friends. I had to take an art class for a credit at my school and I found that I loved hanging out in the art room because the people were open minded and easy going (code for: GOOD VIBES).  With the help of some awesome teachers I did drawing and sculpture, eventually winning a national award for one of my pieces. Who knew that joining an art class for a measly credit would open a new world of understanding art, as well as understanding people? 

3. Actually study for your ACTs/SATs: Yes, society is messed up for judging you on your ability to take a test - but it's happening. Top colleges will hardly look at your applications if you don't meet a certain score.  As much as it makes me want to rip my hair out, PLEASE STUDY FOR THOSE STUPID TESTS. Even if you don't want to go to college, take them anyways as a backup. Take the tests early, and study for them as hard as it might be. If you don't do well, make up for it (see next tip).

4. Do good things: Volunteer, get a job, participate in things outside of school, etc.  Especially if you are a bad test taker (like me), having these things on your application will give you a great advantage over others. Make a resume, as daunting as the task might be! Don't be afraid to recognize all of the good things you've done. You will feel like an accomplished bad ass if you just do good things. 

5. Don't be an asshole: Do I need to say anything else? We all know those people who need some bad karma, or better yet, a punch to the face. Don't be those people. Be tolerant, don't make fun of the quiet ones, and don't act like a 5 year old. Enough said.

(Okay, not enough said. Obviously, traditional bullies suck. But what's even worse is when your own friend becomes a bully by emotionally manipulating you. DO NOT MESS UP A PERSON'S PSYCHE because you want to feel better. Just don't. )

6. Don't date for the sake of dating: You'll see that creepy senior eye your best friend, or your best friend might even hook up with a nasty frat-boy-to-be just to lose her V-card. Don't get me wrong - it's their body, their choices, etc - but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. The pressure of dating is huge in high school, but don't give into it if you aren't ready. Exploring your sexuality and having a good time is AWESOME, but if it doesn't feel right: don't do it.  I'm serious. Have you ever seen Never Been Kissed??? There IS a happy ending. Sometimes just not in high school.

7. Be smart: High school has always been a huge cliché for drinking and doing drugs. I say do what you want to do, but be smart. Take it easy on the red cups, DON'T drink and drive, and be with people that you trust. If you ever feel like you were taken advantage of - tell your friends. Heck, tell your TEACHER. You don't want people to get away with that type of bullshit for the rest of their lives. High school is a time to experiment, but remember to realize that in the real world - drinking and drugs are not everything. 

So there you go.
And as a special treat for all of you awesome weirdos out there, here is some 1990's cinematic GOLD. It's called "Dirty Girls", a documentary about teenage outcasts in a typical "All American" high school that I discovered last winter. Apparently they filmed a follow up documentary, when are we going to see it guys?

 LASTLY, I will bid you farewell with some tough words that you might not like. You know those people who say high school was the best time in their life? I'm going to explain that to you. And no, it's not the "they peaked to early" speech. 

You are young. When you reach 18 and your parents stop sheltering some of you, you are going to have to deal with things like bills, loans, apartment searching, careers, and LIFE. The reason why so many people look back at high school with nostalgia is because high school is a time when you don't have too many "real world" responsibilities. With that being said - you have to deal with a lot of other shit like hormones, heart breaks, and dillweed teachers.

So what. You don't like your life in high school? Make it an art project. Cherish each day, and realize that if it's a shitty day - your life will be IMMENSELY better once you get out of there. 

Keep it cool, 

Lauren Rose

CurbsideFashion