18.6.13

My End to Making Weight Loss Videos

Sup Curbside readers!
     I haven't done a post like this in a long time. The last one I did was about the need for feminism in the Youtube Beauty Community, which you can check out HERE.  I also did a "Lauren Gets Deep" video about the topic on my Youtube channel which you can view HERE.

Moving on.
 Today I'm going to be explaining why I will NO LONGER be putting up "how-to" videos for weight loss on my Youtube channel. That doesn't mean I won't make a "fitness tips" video in the future, but I will no longer be instructing people on how to lose weight (I will get to this later). 

**** If anyone has questions about my weight loss, I will refer them to this post. Thank you!****

---The Intro---
As many of you may know, I have shared my weight loss journey on Youtube with you all for over 2 years now. Overall, I've lost around 50 lbs and I'm in the process now of still getting toned. 50 lbs may  be nothing compared to what you might want to lose, but it was a big deal for me so I'm not going to belittle my accomplishment. There have been highs and lows, but overall I'm pretty satisfied. I posted a few videos on Youtube explaining my journey/how to lose weight, but now I am taking most- if not all of them down.

Why?
1. There are numerous amounts of spam being attracted to them and I can no longer filter them out.
2. I feel as if it's problematic for some (not all) viewers to sensationalize my journey and think that it's less/more than it is. I also don't want to promote eating disorders.
3. I have struggled with an eating disorder in the past, and still struggle sometimes. 

So let me explain.

(May this picture of a 12 year old me forever remain on the internet. Best $20 on the block. )

---Binge Eating---
Ever since I was about eight years old, I had been overweight. It wasn't really until puberty (the glory days show above) that it really started to affect me emotionally. To top it off, I went to a very small school and was automatically singled out for being different, which sucked. Like what most overweight kids experience, girls gossiped about me and guys would poke fun at me and/or ignore me. During that same time, I had some family issues that led me into my depression, literally feeding a new binge eating disorder. It has taken me a long time to accept that I did (and still do) struggle with an eating disorder.  I only recently discovered that I had/have this disorder, so that is another reason why I'm taking down my weight loss videos. I don't talk about my disorder (because when I filmed them I didn't recognize it), therefore the videos are more simple in context than they should be. Losing weight while having an eating disorder is a very delicate and risky process.

Back to the story. During the summer of sophomore year, I decided to make an effort to get out of my depression and help my self confidence by deciding to lose weight. 

(***Watch E4's My Mad Fat Diary, pretty much explains all the feelings you have with binge eating disorders - plus it's hilarious***)

(The summer before my major weight gain, 2009) 

---Psychology Behind Losing Weight---
Here is another thing: I often get questions online about how I did it. Those questions usually come with appraisal, telling me how much "better" I look, etc. Now I know these questions and compliments are innocent with good intent but to be honest, after a while some of them started to make me upset. Was I really that detestable before? Is the only way to be desirable by losing weight?  I'll come back to this stuff later in The Aftermath, but for now I'm going to give you the secret.

(Me almost at my peak, sophomore year 2010) 


---The Secret is that there is no Secret---
(How to lose weight)
Diet and excercise. Your gym teacher told you it, now I'm going to tell you it. When I was at the peak of my weightloss, I worked out probably 5 days a week, doing HIT (High Intensity Training), and running at least 2 miles. If you need some structure, try workout DVDs (Jillian Micheals 10/10).  But it all comes down to running/cardio. 

***Talk to your doctor, especially if you are obese, have joint pains, or other health issues  before losing weight***
(They are SUPER helpful. You will get loads of pamphlets that are actually useful. Just do it. )

For your diet, eat clean. Stick to fruits and vegetables, protein, whole grains, etc.  Now I know not everyone has a Whole Foods store in their refrigerator, so get a job and spend some of your money on your own groceries if you are living at home with an unhealthy family. Or simply just make use with what you have. Splurging is okay, just make sure you really savor it. It changes the way you think about food. If you want unhealthy food, try making it yourself. That way, you put in the effort and know exactly what you are eating. Please, don't hate food. Food is wonderful.

(Me during my weight loss, junior year a.k.a. when I started Youtube, looking like I'm over it)


---The Aftermath + Dating---
The last year of high school and onwards (after a majority of my weight loss), I started to get more attention from guys (and interestingly enough, shade from the girls as well). Let me be clear: this was all new to me. By the time college came around, I'd have to sit around listening to guys joke about big chicks and bite my tongue (regret going that) . My former roommate actually got mad at me for not pursuing those same guys because they were apparently interested in me (another issue).

Here's the deal: dating after weightloss can be easy, or hard. For me, it's hard to trust anyone who I meet because I know a majority of them wouldn't have even talked to me if I was still in the state that I was in. I know that if I ever date, I will have to tell them all of what I've gone through, and how I struggle to find true and honest people today because I know what it's like to be on both ends of the spectrum: overweight (non desirable) and not overweight (desirable). That feeling SUCKS. So yes, I wait for the ones who are genuine (a rare breed, no doubt).  Some people jump into the dating scene after losing weight and have no problems. I just wanted to include my experience.

(Didn't think about the pizza/orange drink when I uploaded this full body picture. You get the point nonetheless.)


---Society's Standards vs. My Own---
The biggest reason why I'm not talking about weight loss anymore is because there is so much shame involving the issue. I enjoy the fact that we are going through a health/green revolution, but this does not mean that we should shame those who are overweight and obese. If they want to lose weight, they can. If they don't, they wont. I am still a proponent for working out and eating well for the body and mind, but not for society's standards. Theres a difference between getting healthy, and getting skinny. 

I also didn't quite realize the severity of my disorder like I mentioned earlier, especially when I'd make videos about how to lose weight on Youtube. I now feel that the matter is too deep for me to even touch on fully. You see, Youtube acts as this illusion. Like you can become the person you are watching as long as you follow everything they say - but that isn't true. My body is different than yours, my motivation is different than yours, my past is different than yours, and my weight loss is different than yours. It doesn't mean that I won't support you, it just means that I cannot give you all of the answers. Its a personal journey, so get personal with it.

(Me and my main B, Courtney!)

I'm still in the process of getting a healthier body and mind, but that process is my own. Your compliments about my body are appreciated, but not needed  (:D) .  Thank you so much to everyone out there who has supported me, and to those who understand where I'm coming from with this post.

Much love, and stay healthy!
-Lauren Rose
Curbside Fashion 

70 comments:

  1. This is a really inspirational post. Congratulations on all your progress! I've struggled with my weight for ages which was hard especially since when I was little I was very slim. Seeing your progress pictures are great and so is your attitude towards the reasons for losing weight. It's so much better to do it for yourself and to do it for your health, rather than because society feels you should look a certain way.

    Great post

    -Aida

    http://sunshinesuperwoman.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Aida! I agree that keeping it as a "health" mentality is the way to go!

      -Lauren Rose

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  2. Ah Lauren, it sucks that you have to watch guys who are interested in you diss other girls who are a bit bigger. It makes it so much harder to start a relationship because you feel inclined to tell them about your past and weight loss journey... and they might shrug it off and be like "whatever you're healthy now" or "whatever you're beautiful now", but then you think about the fact that maybe they wouldn't have chosen you if you weren't thin and "pretty" to society's standards.

    Anyway this doesn't matter, because from what I can tell from YT and your blog you're a beautiful person on the inside too so I'm sure the right one will come along one day!

    Plus you look amazing and I love your story! I also understand why you wouldn't make any more weight loss videos... After a certain time... there are just going to be some people online who will judge and start calling a "weight loss journey" a promotion of skinnyness and eating disorders or whatever! Also please don't let the "hate" of other girls get to you.

    LOVE FROM AUSTRALIA hehe
    x x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's sort of nice now... I know who to weed out, whether its romantic interests or even friend interests. When you do find those people who are compassionate about that kind of stuff, it feels really great.

      Anyways, thank you so much for your comment and understanding!

      Love from the good ole USA!
      -Lauren Rose

      Delete
  3. I understand. It actually really irritates me when beauty gurus start acting like they're a diet expert just because they lost weight successfully -- without even knowing the bare basics of nutrition, like how many calories is in a fat gram. Would one suddenly act like they're a cardiologist just because they lowered their blood pressure? It literally boggles my mind so much that people think they're suddenly an expert because they lost weight. Nutrition isn't something you can pick up from a magazine or Dr. Oz; I spent an exceedingly long period of time studying it, and I'm not even a dietitian yet, just a nutritionist. Nevermind the fact that they seem to perpetuate hatred towards those who don't choose to eat they way they do, or don't look a certain way.

    Diet recommends need to be tailored to the individual; caloric considerations, nutrition needs based on lifestyle habits, consideration of illness, etc. all must be considered when making an appropriate diet program, which many of these gurus do not take into consideration, and often in the process perpetuate eating disordered habits and thinking. I too suffered from an eating disorder, although it was anorexia, so I know the pain. I'm in the awkward position in that I can't diet, so my body may not be "acceptable" to most people, but I appreciate having my health back.

    The subject of weight loss is such a big feminist topic I could rant about it forever. It's sad that people will only notice you, or that it's acted like one of life's biggest achievements, if you lose weight. Seems people care more about the woman that loses 20lbs than the woman who makes a scientific discovery. Weight loss is great if it makes you healthy in the process, not so great when people act like that's the only achievement worth celebrating. Sigh.

    Long rant is long

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely! The same advice that most gurus talk about is being ripped from actual weight loss videos and it just loses it's meaning after a while. I don't think all gurus should have to talk about it unless they know it really well. And yes, I agree with the "achievements" part as well, its sort of a shame how sensationalized it is compared to actual great achievements (like mentioned) that are made.

      Thank you so much for your comment, as usual!
      -Lauren Rose

      Delete
  4. Lauren I think you are a very good orientation for younger girls out there, who struggle with their bodies. This post says truth, a truth that isn't said enough nowadays. I really hope you find the inspiration/time to continue on with your blog, it's really good. :* Jane.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I definitely will!

      -Lauren Rose

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  5. You're an intelligent, together, brave woman, all on your way to becoming your own person, which is great. That's the true accomplishment here, getting to fit in your skin and coming to terms with who you actually are, and want to be. Truth is, we choose what we want to do with the possibilities we're given. Don't wanna play wise old mum here, but I'm nearly 29, I've seen a lot. I've been through much. This self-esteem thing is not all that permanent and inalterable. You may feel like shit one day and then manage to face the next day with a smile on your face, and it's all okay, both feeling like shit and feeling good are okay. You're totally entitled to both things. I feel legit glad that you don't go preaching around, but make it clear that this is YOUR LIFE. Don't allow others to patologize a normal, healthy, legitimate struggle towards adulthood and overall peace of mind. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies but staying true to yourself is a big compromise.

    Lots of love,

    Lou

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Lou for your comment. I wish I could see a broader view of my situation sometimes, but I have to remember I'll eventually grow into it. Thank you so much for your perspective as well!
      -Lauren Rose

      Delete
  6. To see you address weight loss in this way, is for one thing brave because you're sharing your personal weight loss story and the challenges you went through. But seeing weight loss issues and body positive issues being addressed side by side is such a rare sight for me! It was a personal choice for you to lose weight, but you didn't refer to it as being a choice everyone is suppose to make. I agree with you and don't believe the need to lose weight should be motivated by or built off fat shame. I don't think it's always intentional, which is why we need to be critical about the kinds of attitudes we have towards all sorts of things.

    It's not my place to comment, but I totally commend your decision to hold off on dating until you find someone who holds the same values as you. It shows confidence, and the fact that you're totally aware of what you deserve!

    Okay, and lemme just say I'm turning 22 this year and it amazes me when I come across girls who are younger than me talking about issues like these. It amazes me because I don't think I was even capable to think the way you guys think at your age. I still kick myself when I think about everything Tavi has accomplished with Rookiemag. It makes me super happy though.

    Keep it up!

    Maria

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Maria! I couldn't be more happy that someone absorbed my writing as much as you did. And thank you for the dating comment. I suppose I used to be less confident with it, embarrassed, but I've grown into it. It feels nice to finally feel self assured with something.

      And yes, I love Tavi as well. I think she is inspiring a lot of other girls to start creating their own paths in life.

      Much love!
      -Lauren Rose

      Delete
  7. Lauren your amazing,
    I really appreciate this post. I am over weight and have been for as long as i can remember I recently started working out daily and in my head i keep telling myself it is because i want to be healthy not skinny because if i step on a scale every day i just feel discouraged if i haven't lost a pound and just so angry if i do gain one with all my effort. However i do believe that i would choose a slice of lasagna before a salad, what if i died as soon as i walked out of that restaurant i was in!? I just think its all about balance and a good mindset and accepting and being okay with who you are regardless of some numbers on a scale. I have good days and bad but I'm human and i loved this post. You touched on the issue well. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I agree that it's all about balance, not over doing it, and just sticking with your new found routine. Good luck with everything you are going through and feel free to message me!

      -Lauren Rose

      Delete
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