Stillness

There is approximately one time out of the year that completely throws your vibe off:

Spring Break.

If you're a college student, it starts the Friday you get out. Suddenly the halls become a bit quieter, the streets become eerily deserted, and you can finally think for the first time in weeks. But this period of time is completely different than winter break or summer break - because you know that it only lasts a week. You aren't going home to eggnog and cookies or riding your bike to your summer job. If you're staying where you are, it's completely unsettling.  

Most of my friends got a Greyhound ticket back home, a few on grander adventures, but I stayed here. It was mostly grey, a balmy 30 degrees out, but it gave me time to reflect on life. It's almost scary, how accustomed you become to driving yourself into the ground. Not just with school work, but just with the modes of everyday life. The stillness you happen upon over spring break doesn't quite put you at ease, it just offers you a new perspective. 

(Spring Breakers dir. Harmony Korine)

Over break I was fascinated with this feeling of stillness. I started to remember the times I felt it while watching certain movies.  For example Spring Breakers directed by Harmony Korine. People shit on this movie all of the time (for good and bad reasons), but I think a big reason why I connected to this film so much was the entity of stillness that was captured by Korine. You got the sense of the desperation that comes along with realizing how slow life is when you aren't preoccupied with things. Those fixed frame shots of the empty dorms spoke to my freakin soul. You realize that these places you are so accustomed to are merely shells that are occupied for nine months out of the year. I also realized how essential Cliff Martinez and Skrillex were to this film. They composed the most delicate and omniscient soundtrack music (Park Smoke) that makes you feel so damn melancholy. 

(Adventureland dir. Greg Mottola) 

Then there was that one scene from the end of Adventureland (2009) directed by Greg Mottola (see Film Muse here). It's a short scene, but ethereal nonetheless. The movie is about this rich college kid who decides to get a dumpy summer job at a local amusement park in 1987. The whole movie glows with that certain alliance you create with your coworkers. You know, the "Us vs. The World" type of thing. But this scene just got to me. Their summer job is over and now they have nothing to do really except shoot fireworks on top of a hill. It's all grey outside. It's too still. 

(The Virgin Suicides dir. Sofia Coppola)

Getting progressively sadder, you have The Virgin Suicides (1999) directed by Sofia Coppola. I picked up Jeffrey Eugenides' book over break, hoping to gain some nostalgia from when I first read it. I forgot how beautiful it was, I couldn't fathom it. The book itself is the epitome of ever lasting stillness, exaggerated memories of the Lisbon sisters and open ended questions. I sat around for a good whole day perplexed as to how Coppola captured it all so well. One of the last scenes of the movie shows the house of the Lisbon family. It's vacated and so lonely. Everything is draped in a cool hue of blue, the walls painted plainly. Carpet stains line the floor, even though signs of life left it long ago. It also reminded me of the Spring Breakers dorm shots, how home is just a structure that you live in until you don't.

The Virgin Suicides has best soundtrack of all time, too. AIR beautifully accompanies the hollow feelings of the film, the soundtrack itself deserves a whole other blogpost:
Empty House - by AIR

(Kurt Cobain's aunt in Kurt & Courtney dir. Nick Broomfield)

Then this. This scene I wrote about in my Film Muse of Kurt & Courtney (1998) (see Film Muse here). The film is a documentary surrounding the life of Kurt Cobain. The whole movie is a total downer - if you're into that kind of stuff. What got me was that one of their main interviewees was Kurt Cobain's aunt who still lives in the same house that Kurt used to jam out in as a toddler. She shares old recordings of him singing Beatles songs. She plays the stereo with a huge smile (cross quilt hanging proudly in the background) but still manages to look so goddamn sad. You can tell she is a nice Christian lady who occasionally whips out an acoustic guitar at campfires, but something is eternally off. Like she is still deeply missing Kurt after all of these years, replaying old memories, even though she looks fine and happy in her denim on denim ensemble. 

Well damn. This got a whole lot deeper than I intended it to. But I think it's important to dwell on these moments. I wouldn't have thought about all of this stuff if I went on a trip to Hawaii-kiki. Anyways, I suppose I should study for my midterm tomorrow. Happy Spring Break. 

Lauren Rose

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